Taking vows sounds like something most of us just reserve for our wedding day, otherwise relegated to the past or to the monks of today, alternating between beekeeping and watching the Benedictine distill. Even then our wedding vows tend to be out of sight except perhaps when one partner steps way out of line.
Jan Chozen Bays is a Buddhist (she’s an abbot at a Zen Monastery in Oregon), but you’d be mistaken if you skipped this book thinking it was just Buddhist literature. Sure, there are some things in it that are more familiar to Buddhists but the examples and advice are accessible to anyone.
Chozen Bays explains how many of us actually do structure our lives around vows that we unconsciously made (or inherited from the people around us) earlier in life. We vow to never make the mistakes of our parents, to never treat people in the way we were treated, to never be poor again, to never drive a certain type of car, never to get drunk on gin again, and so on.
… I purposely use the word vows instead of its synonyms. Promises are too easily broken. Intentions may be good but are too easily deflected. Oath has a medieval military flavor. Psychologists use the terms goal and strivings in the growing body of research that links a clear set of vows, particularly vows with a spiritual basis, with physical and emotional health and increased satisfaction in life. The words vision and mission are relevant, and I have included a chapter on the help of mission statements in formulating vows. Deep life purpose comes even closer. My husband, Hogen, coined the term heart's deepest aspiration, which is the closest to a definition for vow as we use it … Perhaps we should call vows “the reason you get out of bed in the morning”
— Introduction, The Vow-Powered Life, Jan Chozen Bays, MD
The author ties a life with vows to longevity via the famed Blue Zones. The elders of Okinawa, Japan live by the concept of ikigai - “the reason you get up in the morning”. Those of Nicoya, Costa Rica have plan de vida, a “lifelong sense of purpose”. Along with many other reasons this sense of purpose long into life appears to be key to thriving longer.
The nice thing about this book is that it isn’t theoretical. Chozen Bays has filled it with practical and thought-provoking exercises to help us get from recognizing our own implicit vows, to seeing what our vows might be, to writing our vows and putting them out into the world, to helping us back on track when we are out of alignment with our vows. There are sample vows, the vows of famous people, and a ceremony for taking our vows.
I read The Vow-Powered Life a few months back and went through the exercises to write a vow of my own … I even put it out into the world. It’s not like I’ve been living far outside of that vow since but I’m not really connected to it when I work and play. It’s time to return to this guidebook and make my vows front and center so that I can frame my days around them.
I vow that every day I will
Be disciplined, keep my promises, take action, practice self-compassion, and do things that light me up,
In order to
Become wiser, healthier, stronger, more flexible, and bring my best self to the world,
So that
I am kind to everyone, I inspire others to succeed, and I leave the world a better place than I found it.
— Personal vow, Brad Dobson, April 21st, 2022
The final line of the Strong99 manifesto is “We value living a life of purpose over chasing happiness.” Deeply held personal vows are a fantastic way to remind us of that value.
Share in the comments what your vows are or might be. Read the book and come back with what you found.