It's always hitting the fan
A long term view of dealing with tragedy and horror
Thoughts on the most recent school shooting in Uvalde, Texas. In the context of the recent church shooting in Orange County and racially-motivated grocery store shooting in Philadelphia. And the Russian invasion of Ukraine. And ongoing attacks on Women’s rights to control their own bodies. And…
I know that over the years I shared with my kids that there was never a time for me when there weren’t stories about horrific shootings. Or wars. Or war crimes. Or corruption. I think what I was trying to convey was that there was a much longer term pattern to consider, but I was also trying to describe my feeling of helplessness in the face of such an onslaught. At my worst that helplessness has been an excuse to check out, to wave the white towel, to avoid taking action. It has certainly been a way for me to cope with those things that I find most deeply disturbing: I find I can’t spend much time at all in the details. I have a vivid imagination and they tend to burn in like the CNN logo on a cathode ray tube.
Different people process tragedy and horror in different ways. For some it’s a retreat from the news or even from society. Maybe it’s a doubling-down of counter-protesting or of charitable giving, a letter to their congressperson, a strengthened connection to their community. For some it’s stoicism. Some rely on knowing that even with these problems society is demonstrably better off than at any time in history.
Apart from the obvious feelings brought about by these events, I’m interested in how I can improve my personal external approach to them in the long term. It can’t be something that just assuages my own sadness and anger. It has to be something that helps others but also moves the game ball ever-so-slightly down the field. Consistently. For the rest of my life.
Different faiths use prayer and meditation in community to direct healing thoughts towards these events. For example, in Buddhism we might use the metta meditation to direct our lovingkindness first towards ourselves and then gradually outward to people we love, to people we’re angry with, to all beings known or unknown.
This is a powerful way to both heal and to unite. On the other hand, “Thoughts and Prayers” is a slogan being thrown back at people for not doing enough. Lots of people praying for the victims, fewer praying for (or making) substantive change. Prayers aren’t overcoming corporate interests: in the Western world that worked a little better back when the Vatican held sway over governments. “I’m praying that the Ultra Mega Super Gun Corporation will have humanity’s best interests in mind at the Q2 investor meeting” is misguided at best.
So “yes” to prayer (meditation in my case), but I want something more tangible too.
Well, I can donate to nonprofit entities that provide support to victims and lobby for change that aligns with my moral underpinnings. What I don’t get with this approach is, should I write a check per day? Should I have a stable of nonprofits to select from depending on what went wrong today? As I said, if you look at the news worldwide there isn’t a minute that goes by without some sort of tragic event. Should I just pick one cause that’s closest to my heart and ignore the others? My wife and I are able to give, but what’s a sane approach?
There’s the Gates Foundation version of this which is to identify core societal issues and give generously to help solve those. When Minette and I have talked about this it almost always comes back to Education for us: we see ignorance and lack of education as the root of so many problems. Fully embracing that approach guides us away from donating to other worthy causes related to whatever is most recently tragic, and that’s hard.
So “yes” to charitable giving, but with a plan.
Then there’s protesting. Not a thing I’m good at since I think of it as something that a) involves conflict and I’m generally conflict-avoidant, and b) means I have to get up off the couch and be with other people. Physical protests - peaceful marches, sit-in’s, occupations, riots, hunger strikes - have been the cornerstone of societal change since Thag first organized fellow Neanderthals to protest the lack of quality stone in the great Axe-head riots of Erkrath, 45062 B.C.E. Protests will always be an important part of our response to preventable tragedies and horrors, however we could hit the pavement in a new protest every day. A better approach is needed.
We live in the age of social media where whole movements get their start on twitter. Its’ power is tremendous. Given the great democratization of messaging that social media brings us I think we’re better off adding our voices through email, blogging, commenting, and posting than we are carrying a funny sign at a march. Until we’re able to deploy an army of protestor bots to march on the Metaverse’s version of the United Nations it seems like using the keyboard and mouse are our best tools.
So “yes” to protest, but focus on virtual.
The society we live in wavers between beautiful and horrible. Utopia is a looooong way off. Short of becoming hermits we are stuck with muddling our way through the tough parts. Having a system we can rely on - not to let us run away from our anger and grief, rather to know that we are doing the best that we can under difficult circumstances - is an important way to always do our own small part to help others.
Please share your thoughts in the comments. Are you numb to whatever the latest bad news is? Do you try and take on the World’s problems? Do you have approaches that you use to help others?